SOS - My Whole Body Screamed to Call My Dad

Please let me explain why 4 weeks have passed since I sent out my last newsletter

Looking into the photo album: My father is sitting in a beach chair with my toddler. They are eating raisin rolls together. The sea is rushing behind the beach chair, and the seagulls are circling it, hoping for big crumbs or a whole roll.

SOS - the signal of absolute distress was what I felt in my body on Tuesday, four weeks ago.

My whole body screamed to call my dad, who lives 650 km away. Instead of my father, I called his wife as if on impulse. She answered the phone with one question: How did you know?

This question made me shiver. I just managed to sit down on the couch and call my husband.

“The paramedics have just picked up your father. They're taking him to the intensive care unit in Frankfurt.”

As my first tears rolled down my cheek, she added: “He's still alive.”

Without anyone asking me, I knew what I had to do. I packed our things at record speed, threw them into our suitcases, and two hours later, I closed the gate to our garden and called my father's wife back.

She now visited my father in the intensive care unit. My father was also able to answer the phone.

He said:

“Don't come. It's no use anyway.”

I replied:

“No matter what you say, I'm coming.”

My dad replied: “The children are coming!”

And then: “I can't think straight. I can’t think straight, Kristina.”

He repeated this several times.

When I picked my son up from kindergarten with tears in my eyes and asked him to get dressed quickly, he was so happy when he found out we would visit Grandpa.

He proudly told his friends that he was now going on vacation. For the next week, my son lived in a parallel universe. While I spent the whole day in the hospital, he enjoyed time with grandma (my parents are divorced).

I got my dad out of several hospitals…

My father calls me at the hospital and discusses the next steps to take him home. (shared this photo via Substack Chat)

…and fulfilled his wish to be cared for at home.

When he was back home and saw my children and husband briefly, my dad was so mentally and physically exhausted that he said he wouldn't make it through the next 4 weeks. He’d be dead by Christmas. He also asked me to take something from the house “as a souvenir.”

I felt terrible when we drove back home with the kids.

This big wave was rushing towards us all, and even though we were trying to surf it, I knew there was another one on the horizon. And another one.

As soon as I was home, had unpacked my bags, and my children were back in their social environment, I got the message that my mom had to go to the emergency room because of a suspected bowel obstruction. So I took care of that, too. I cared and managed for as long as I could. I learned to push my limits and set new ones. I grew beyond myself.

For the first time, I broke out in a sweat at night. Sweating all over my pajamas and sheets.

I lay awake in the dead of night, the devil’s hour between 3 and 4 a.m., caught up in circles of thoughts. I frantically thought about how to help my parents from afar because moving back to my hometown was not an option.

However, after months, I felt myself again and listened to myself. The quiet life by the sea is what I need to be mentally fit. The salt air invigorates me, and the view out to the horizon calms me down and gives me hope. I'm in my mid-thirties with two children at home. I want to be fit for all the waves of life that are yet to come. And I have to live with the fact that my parents, almost 70 and 80, are ill or will have relapses again and again, as stressful as that is.

The next wave hit me when I found out that I urgently needed to have my surgery, which I had canceled because of my father. Last week, we drove two hours to Kiel for it. My son was happy again about the “great vacation” and Christmas market. I was lying on a cold operating table and knew I had to focus on myself again and take responsibility for my own life and not just for others.

Some day, we will all die…. but on all the other days, we will not!

It is wise to come to terms with your finiteness (and that of your parents, partner, and children). Because it's true. “Some day, we will all die (…)”, but Snoopy from Peanuts once said the most important thing:

“(…) but on all the other days, we will not.”

Pinterest Peanuts

4 weeks have passed since I sent out my last newsletter

I want to apologize and thank you. I know I have been a faithful companion on your journey and wish to continue to be. Thank you for your trust and the many emails, (WhatsApp) messages, and gifs.

I am so grateful that you are part of my life. I also know that many of you could empathize because a lot was going on in their lives, too: death, discharge, grief, changes, mistakes, illnesses, and new paths...

Quick update for December 2024 and beyond

Here's a quick update for all coaching clients, community members, bootcampers, subscribers and business partners:

- I have more than ten podcast episodes prepared. I will publish them in the coming weeks. I will be in touch with my business partners. Sorry for the delay.

- My Bootcamp with Derek, which Derek also canceled on my behalf, will take place in January 2025. I am very sorry that we had to postpone the Bootcamp. Please hit reply, if you have any questions or suggestions/wishes.

My exclusive Mentoring Program for 2025 will take place. If you are interested, please get in touch with me. More information will be available in the coming weeks.

- I will be active in my paid community for members again starting tomorrow, answering questions and offering Q&As for December.

- All coaching clients will receive replacement appointments from me for this year. You can also contact me. If you would like a coaching appointment, please become a founding member.

What’s next?

You were used to receiving 2-4 newsletters a week from me. For the last 4 weeks, you haven't received a single one. I will slowly get back to it and look forward to being in your inbox. In my following newsletter, I'll show you what happened when I didn't share a newsletter, a Medium article, or a new video for 30 days.

• Did my online business grow?

• Did it shrink?

• What are my tips for the upcoming Christmas days when we all want to step back and enjoy?

I was unprepared and want to show you what you can do better to take some time off.

Tell me about yourself

Now the stage is yours. How are you? What happened in your life? Do you have any questions, suggestions? Are you new (or want to become a member) and need some guidance? Which training/courses do you need? I’m happy to answer ALL your comments!

With love and gratitude,