Sharing Vulnerability on Substack – How I Write About My Messy Stories

People want to be seen. If you share too much of yourself, it may backfire. Here are my tips for getting the right balance

Why are you on Substack?

If your aim is to connect with readers and build community, you’re in the right place – Substack is a unique platform that lends itself beautifully to both objectives.

But your connection with readers will, in part, depend on how much you come across as relatable. That, to a certain extent, depends on your willingness to be vulnerable. Trouble is, being vulnerable can be a little uncomfortable – and it can also be a major turn-off for readers if you get it wrong.

If you’re sharing personal anecdotes, or writing about personal development, for example, your writing will naturally lend itself to moments of vulnerability. But even if you’re writing about something less personal, like politics or gardening, there are opportunities to infuse your writing with vulnerability, so that readers can feel your heartbeat between the lines. They want to read your posts and feel like they understand you better.

What’s more, they also want to see their thoughts, feelings, and experiences reflected on the screen. Ultimately, what John Green said about books is true of resonant Substack posts: “Great books help you understand, and they help you feel understood.”

I’m still fairly new to Substack…

but I’ve been blogging…

and posting on social media…

about emotional health and spiritual insight for years.

I also got featured in the media such as Good Health, Australian Herald and Women’s Today…

photo: My column in Women’s Today

which means I’ve had to form some rules about how I approach vulnerability in my writing.

Here are some of the lessons I’ve learned that may help you navigate vulnerability on Substack.

Lesson 1: It can’t breach your boundaries

photo: Me and my mom on a bush walk. For her, it’s fine to share a picture and personal anecdotes. For my husband, it’s not.

Helpful vulnerability depends on having boundaries within your writing.

• What topics will you share, and what topics will be off-limits?

• If you’re talking about sensitive topics, how will you take care of your reader?

  For example, if you’re writing about your mental health, what support contacts and trigger warnings will you include for people who are also experiencing mental health challenges? Also, whose consent will you need?

My husband is a private person, so we have a rule that I don’t share photos of him without his permission, and nor do I share personal anecdotes involving him that he isn’t comfortable with. This is really important.

I am on Substack, he is not. I’m choosing to be vulnerable about certain experiences in my life, but he didn’t sign up for that. So if I’m unsure, I always run posts by him first.

Lesson 2: It can’t be forced

If you’re sharing something that’s contrived, your readers will smell it a mile away, and it will make them cringe. An example is sharing an anecdote that is only tangentially related to your subject, like someone sharing their childhood trauma in a post where it detracts, rather than adds value to, the story.

If you are trying to force vulnerability, you run the risk of oversharing (which will feel a lot like attention-seeking), and that will make your readers less inclined to stay with you on the Substack journey.  

Lesson 3: It can’t be fake

photo: Me on my 2.5 weeks off last summer – the longest break I’ve had for many summers

By its very nature, vulnerability must be authentic.

If you’ve made up a story, or embellished it too much, your readers will desert you.

LinkedIn is a shocker for this, dotted with posts from people claiming their toddlers have said something preposterous that little kids definitely do not have the language to say. That is manipulation disguised as vulnerability, and it’s a major turn-off.

Lesson 4: It can’t be rushed

photo: If you feel like you might be sharing too much, give it a day or two then re-read it.

Give it a day or two then re-read it. Give it a day or two then re-read it.

My rule of thumb is:

I never post when I’m angry or highly emotional – this invariably leads to a ‘vulnerability hangover’.

If you feel like you might be sharing too much, the worst thing you can do is hit ‘publish’.

Give it a day or two then re-read it. With a fresh perspective, you’ll have a better sense of whether you’ve hit the right balance between helpful vulnerability and oversharing.

---

Trudie McConnochie is an Australian-based journalist who runs the Spirit in a Teacup Substack, and the One Grounded Angel Instagram account with 28,000 followers. 

---

🎉Become a Substack Rockstar!

Trudie is part of my tribe and a future Substack rockstar.

All premium subscribers get a bit deeper and have access to my “Online Writing School” membership with the Substack School.

Be a part of it and join a lovely and vibrant community of more than 250 writers.

Find an A to your Q, chat with me, watch exclusive tutorial videos with insider tips, grow and make money writing on Substack with clarity, fun, and by doing what you love, writing.

Inside Substack School, I’ll show you the EXACT (baby) steps to use Substack and go from zero to Substack hero.

I’ve grown my email list to over 8,100 subscribers within 21 months. Became a Substack bestseller with hundreds of paid subscribers and earn $ with my newsletter - part-time with two kids in the house.

• 🔥I’m handing my tactic over to you so you can start putting structure behind your 2024 list-building goals.

• ✨If I can make your newsletter transformation a little easier, I’m 100% here for it.

• 🏆As a member, I’ll recommend your Substack to my audience. You can connect with other tribe members (in your niche) and find collab partners. In addition, you can write a guest post in the “Hype Yourself Up Substack Summer” for my newsletter to be seen by more people, as Trudie did.

This month, inside Substack School…

you can join us LIVE or catch the replays of 3 LIVE workshops, and 1 LIVE session and get the opportunity to register for the NOTES Kickstarter Bootcamp:

---

Thank you, Trudie, for this helpful guest post and the inspiration.

Trudie McConnochie is an Australian-based journalist who runs the Spirit in a Teacup Substack, and the One Grounded Angel Instagram account with 28,000 followers. 

You can meet her inside the Substack School community of 250+ members.