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Alireza's avatar

You wander around the Kaaba a lot

that he has hidden himself there

if he does not wander around the Kaaba, then wander around until we wander

Here you drink wine

There you wear a robe

How vain you strive

Here you torment people

There you are free from sin

How vain you think

Here your companion and neighbor is in pain and illness

You are there seeking help

What do you think, where does he ask you for such a thing

What a meeting that he knows nothing but to speak in one language

What a title that he knows nothing but dinars and dirhams from you is hard

What are you looking for that you are confused

You have lost your wisdom, perhaps you do not know

Become Zamzam, now be silent

Stay intoxicated in your poetry

They sew your lips like a carpet

Thousands are seditionists

They hang you at the door of the tavern

Marilyn Sutherland's avatar

Congratulations, Jennifer!

Let’s Get UnStuck's avatar

What a beautiful, heartfelt story that had me tearing up. I can’t imagine the level of pain your heart carries no matter how much time goes by. I’m so sorry for your loss Jennifer.

Jennifer Hacker's avatar

Thank you for your kindness. I carry loss but also so much love. That’s the beautiful thing in all of this… the love never fades. ❤️

Jason Stevens's avatar

Hard to write after the loss of a son, even after 27 years. I write each year with a yearly letter suggesting what 'may have been' for the year for my son, if he were still alive.

Jennifer Hacker's avatar

I’m so sorry about your son Jason. There’s no amount of time that makes everything all better. We heal but we continue to love. So to some extent we must also continue to grieve. ❤️‍🩹

I love your yearly letter idea. Do you find yourself feeling comforted after writing it? I’d be interested to hear more about the practices that have helped you.

Jason Stevens's avatar

After writing each letter, I do feel more comforted.

I still celebrate his birthday every year, make a cake and wish for.... all the usual wishes we have for our children.

Honouring my child like this is one of the practices I have that helps.

I haven't read your book and don't know your journey outside of this Post, yet I know for me, grief is also honoured each year and also for me, it's never really left me and returns to tell that story it needs to express when it comes.

Jennifer Hacker's avatar

Very much agree… grief never really leaves us. It returns and has a story that needs to be expressed. I love the way you explained that. God bless you on your journey Jason.

Dr Anney V 🪷's avatar

This is beautiful! It’s very personal and touching, as Grief often is. Thank you 🙏🏽 for sharing your story, writing helps Grief move along a bit.

I often tell others this “I know Grief well” and curated a post late last year on Grief of daughters and mothers.

https://dranneyvarghese.substack.com/p/grief-of-daughters-and-mothers

“Women — daughters, mothers, doctors, and writers — share how grief reshapes our lives, and how living alongside it teaches courage, love, and purpose”.

Jennifer Hacker's avatar

Thank you for sharing your story and your compilation post from daughters and mothers. Each story is very beautiful and poignant ❤️

Taylor ☕️'s avatar

Such a beautiful way to heal. Thank you for sharing.

Kristina God's avatar

Want to share vulnerable memories and think it's too scary to share them publicly? Join our Club Chat with Jennifer: https://substack.com/chat/443311/post/bfc80faf-ea0a-4a09-8c79-3649acf96536

Flora M Brown's avatar

Kristina, Jennifer’s story moved me on several levels.

First, it touched me because my son passed in 2016, and even though he was an adult, it was still a heavy blow to find myself planning the funeral of my only son and one of my four children.

Second, it reminded me that as I was going through grief, attending grief support group gave me some comfort and something I recommend to others.

Third, I reflected on a two-part piece I wrote about my son’s passing and how we honored him. It will appear in my upcoming memoir, but I’d be happy to share it for your publication if you wish.

Fourth, her story emphasizes the power our stories have not only for our own healing, but the power they have to touch and aid others in their healing.

Thank you for continuing to share meaningful and authentic ways to help us learn, grow, heal, and thrive.

Jennifer Hacker's avatar

I’m so terribly sorry about the death of your son. Whether they are adults or infants, it’s a heart shattering blow. I’m glad you’re writing your story and sharing it. As you said, it’s good for your own healing and for others too. Best of luck to you Flora! 🩵

Flora M Brown's avatar

Hi Jennifer, Thank you.

Marilyn Sutherland's avatar

My mom was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer 3 months before my Dallas wedding in early September. She said she'd come to Dallas but a month later, let me know she was too weak to travel. I ended up scheduling another wedding in Pittsburgh the week before where my parents lived so my mom and dad could attend. The next Sunday I had a wedding in Dallas where I was living and I was flying out the following Friday to debrief both weddings. I got a call the night of the Dallas wedding and arrived in Pittsburgh the next day. She was in a coma and passed the following day. That was over 27 years ago, and as I write this I can tap into the pain. She didn't get to know my step kids or my first granddaughter who was 8 months old at my wedding. She met my husband twice before we were married. I'm so happy she was at my wedding and so sad she didn't have a chance to witness my life as a married woman - I was 49 when I got married so she waited a long time!

Jennifer Hacker's avatar

Thank you for sharing about your mom Marilyn. Just telling the story of what happened and what it means to you is a healing exercise. I’m truly sorry she didn’t live to witness your life as a married woman. I do firmly believe she is with you, just in a different way now. Good luck and God bless you on your journey. 🩵